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Life story
March 29, 1999

 I went into labor with Bethanie and 21 1/2 hours later had her via emergency c-section. She was 8bs 4 oz, and was 21 1/2 inches long. I remember looking at her hair and thinking my goodness look at all of it...She was a good baby, and slept through the night the first night

March 29, 1999
Born in Mena on March 29, 1999.
October 10, 1999
Bethanie began to crawl and said her first word, big bug. She was a wonderful baby and loved spending time with her daddy. She was getting ready for her first birthday...and loving every min..of her little life.
March 29, 2000

Bethanie had her first birthday. She had been to the er the night before with RSV. I had called all the family with children and told them she was so sick, please not to come since she was sick. We still had the adults come. I remember her laughing and pointing at her cake. She would say eat....all she wanted was that cake. That night I set with her putting her toys together and watching her play. Thinking what a blessing I have such a child as her. She still had those gorgeous blue eyes, and that dark brown hair..I took her the next day to have her pictures taken..little did I know those were the last that I would have

July 21, 2000
This is the horrible day that Bethanie went to be with the Lord. She had been so sick and I was so tired. I told her that she needed to nap, and layed her down for her nap. I then decided that I should nap with her..Roughly 45 mins to an hour later I woke up to her gone. I rolled over and said "Bethanie, we need to get up baby" when she did not answer I called her once again. She was gone. I came around the corner and seen the front door open. I felt a deep down hurt knowing that something was wrong. I woke my husband telling him  that someone had stolen the baby. I never thought to look in the pond. He got up and went straight to the pond, where I heard him screaming. I ran out there to see him holding her and crying. I fell to the ground and began to scream, and realized that I might be able to save her. I ran to her and began CPR, my mom came running out there and started CPR with me. I remember looking around and yelling help me please, we can save her, and everyone just looking at me. Like they knew the outcome that was coming. The first responders and ambulance got there. They took her and got a heartbeat back. Later that night she was airlifted to Children's Hospital in LR. We followed chartered by a plane that was a friend of ours. As we are flying out there, I am in complete shock. I hear my mom talking to the pilot, and I am thinking Lord, take me now, planes go down all the time..Take me. We arrive at LR airport where the friend who lent us the plan had a car waiting on us. As we get into the car for him to take us to LR Children's hospital, he tells us his story of his child drowning..His child did not make it..I thought to myself, my child is strong willed, she will make it..I know it. As we get to the hospital, I go to find out if she is in PICU yet, they inform me that the helicopter was having to take it's time, they had lost her again and was trying to resitate her. When she got there they took me to her..But told me not to tell her who I was, for fear that it would cause her heartrate to sky rocket. They wanted her calm. I set with her telling her to fight. Don't leave me here... They told me that she had a 1% chance of survival. That was something though, I thought I will take her how ever she may come out of this. i wanted her live, please...At 12:30 that night the chaplin came out and said that bethanie was dieing, and I needed to go in and set with her. I went to the PICU and went to her room. They were trying to get her heartbeat back. The nurse standing at the doorway was crying, I knew what was happening. I knew that it was her time..I told them to let her 12:34 pm, Bethanie went to be with the Lord, and I walked for the first time in my life, out of a hospital without my child. She was gone....They cleaned her up and took out all the tubes, and told me that I could go and hold her if I would like. I remember so many things about her face at that moment. Those little half open eyes...and it THOSE memories that I run from daily!!
July 21, 2000
Passed away on July 21, 2000.
July 22, 2000
The funeral director calls and says that bethanie is ready for me to visit. That I can come and see her if I would like. He said that also I needed to pick out a location for buriel, and a casket. I knew that the hurt was about to get worse on all of us. As if it could hurt anymore than it already was. We went down there and decided where to bury her, and it was time to pick out a casket. I knew that I needed to do this, I needed to be the one. sam fell into my mom's arms and could not look at it. So i told him that I would, I had to be strong..I wanted her to have the best. It was gold and white marble. So little and so short. You could tell it was for a baby..i wept as I seen her little face in it. I wanted to go with her. Lord, take me I prayed...I can't stay here..not like this....They wanted a  picture of her so that they could put her hair in piggytails like I always kept it. I remember Sam standing next to her coffin and saying " you rose lazerous, why not her she did nothing wrong?" I touched her head, her hand, and she was so cold...I told Sam she has to have a blanket...I wondered the whole time what had I done, what had she done to deserve this? Why me? Why her? Did she hurt, did she cry for me, was she scared. The unknown is so hard.
July 24, 2000
We buried Bethanie on July 24th of 2000. That day was the hardest day in my life. i clung on to my grandfather asking him what do I do now? How do I live now. I wanted to die. And I put a picture of her daddy and me in there. I told her, it is ok, God has called you home, just don't forget me Bethie...She was buried in the little dress in her last pictures. the night before she gave me a poem in my sleep. The preacher read it at the funeral, and there was a warm wind that blew through there and I knew she was there.. I remember Sam setting next to me, he would not look at me, he would not hug me..he just looked at the casket crying.She was laid to rest at 2:00pm at Pinecrest memorial..That first night was the worse night of my life. She was scared of the dark, and I kept going crazy because all I could think about was her there ALONE, COVERED in the dark...I had to get her out of there....but how.....AThat is still the hardest thing, though I understand now she is not there....she is in HEAVEN
March 29, 2008
Bethanie will be 9...It is hard to imagine that she has been gone 8 years...Happy birthday baby.....
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